My own discovery of God's reality occurred unexpectedly while I was in graduate school at the age of 26. Partly for social reasons, partly out of curiosity, I found myself attending a verse-by-verse study of the gospel of John on Sunday morning at a church near the campus. I had grown up in a largely non-religious home with very little exposure to the Bible, and although I had read brief portions of the Bible on some rare occasions, I generally had found it difficult to relate it to my own frame of reference.

I had some immediate first impressions of this class. One was the depth of insight and understanding displayed by most of the thirty or so participants. I wondered how it was these students, most of whom were undergraduates, were able to extract such profound meaning from a text that to me was nearly inscrutable. It puzzled me how the message of this ancient document could apparently be so clear to most of the class and yet so obscure to me.

Another strong impression of this class related to the participants themselves. I noticed that most of them radiated a disposition of joyful confidence and transparency and acceptance and peace, qualities I found in short supply in my own life if I were really honest. What was the source of this inward confidence and peace? I did not have a ready answer.

As this study progressed into John's gospel, I quickly noticed the main theme of this document was the person of Jesus. I was surprised when it occurred to me that, despite my years of academic intensity, I had never once identified the person of Jesus as a topic essential for me to investigate. This introduction to John's gospel exposed an embarrassing gap, I began to realize, in my mental concept of human history, a gap I simply could not afford to ignore.

And just what sort of portrait of Jesus did I encounter as the weeks progressed and I found myself a bit more comfortable with the text? I compare it with the response of the temple guards who, when sent to arrest Jesus and returned empty-handed and were asked to account for their failure, said, "We've never heard anyone speak like this man." I found his words beyond astonishing, different from those of anyone else in human history. His actions were just as unique. He drew to himself the most rejected and hopeless individuals in the society of his day and granted them wholeness and release. Such words and actions, I noticed, deeply disturbed many who held positions of privilege and power.

Because I deem it so essential to my story, I would like to provide a thumbnail sketch of a few of the highlights I encountered as I participated in this study. John's gospel, much like those of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, is largely a collection of vignettes from Jesus' interaction with individuals, his disciples, and the crowds that followed him.

Chapter three, for example, records Jesus' conversation with Nicodemus, a highly respected teacher and member of the elite Jewish council, the Sanhedrin. So as not to be noticed, Nicodemus visits Jesus in the middle of the night and begins the conversation, "We know you are teacher sent by God, for no one could do the mighty works you do unless God were with him." Jesus immediately cuts to the heart of the matter with Nicodemus and tells him that in his present condition he is incapable of apprehending matters relating to the kingdom of God, matters Nicodemus nonetheless has a desire to understand. Jesus tells him of the imperative of a spiritual birth, a topic about which Nicodemus admits he knows nothing. Although Nicodemus' immediate response is not recorded, later in John's gospel we find him a loyal disciple.

In the next chapter we find the account of Jesus' interaction with a woman from, in terms of today's geography, the West Bank town of Nablus, where Jacob's well is located. She is a Samaritan, a group shunned by most Jewish people of her day. After telling her correctly she has had five husbands and the man with whom she is currently living is not her husband, she responds, "Sir, I perceive you are a prophet," and then volunteers, "I know that Messiah is coming; when that One comes, he will declare all things to us." Jesus' simple answer to her is, "I, who am speaking to you, am he." She is so excited, she forgets her water pot, rushes back to town, and tells the men about the conversation she just had. Her moral failures fade from her mind because of the acceptance and affirmation Jesus communicates to her. Her report is so compelling a large crowd comes out to see Jesus for themselves. They are so responsive Jesus stays and teaches there for two days.

In chapter five there is the account of a man at the pool of Bethesda in Jerusalem who has been lame for 38 years, to whom Jesus says, "Arise, take up your pallet, and walk," and he does. This upsets the religious Jews who learn of this deed because it has taken place on the Sabbath. According to their embellishments of the law of Moses, it was a violation both for the man to carry his pallet and for Jesus to have healed him on the Sabbath, because these things were interpreted as work. When they confront him, Jesus answers, "My Father is working until now, and I myself am working." The text then comments, "For this reason therefore the Jews were seeking all the more to kill him, because he not only was breaking the Sabbath, but also calling God his own Father, making himself equal with God." Jesus reinforces their concern when he tells them, "For not even the Father judges anyone, but he has given all judgment to the Son, in order that all may honor the Son, even as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him."

The account of Jesus feeding a crowd of some 5000 men plus women and children, from five loaves and two fish, on the hillside above the western shore of the Sea of Galilee is found in chapter six. Such a great multitude was following him, the text indicates, because they were seeing the miraculous healings he was performing on those who were sick. It is noteworthy that Jesus healed in public, with multitudes of witnesses present, and he taught in public with many people recording what he said. The day after he fed the multitude he discusses the happening of the previous day with religious Jews in the nearby town of Capernaum. He tells them, "Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man shall give you… I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst … For this is the will of my Father, that everyone who beholds the Son, and believes in him, may have eternal life. And I myself will raise him up on the last day."

In chapter seven, as Jesus teaches the multitudes in Jerusalem during a Jewish feast, the chief priests and an influential group of religious Jews known as the Pharisees become alarmed enough by what they hear the crowds saying to order Jesus arrested. But the officers sent to arrest him return empty-handed marveling at his words. Soon after, as described in chapter eight, the Pharisees engage Jesus directly and challenge his authority, saying, "You are bearing witness of yourself; your testimony is not valid." Jesus appeals not only to his own testimony but also to the testimony of his Father. As the confrontation builds Jesus declares, "You are from below. I am from above. You are of this world. I am not of this world. I said therefore to you, that you shall die in your sins. For unless you believe that I AM, you shall die in your sins." Further in the confrontation, he says, "Which of you convicts me of sin? If I speak truth, why do you not believe me? He who is of God hears the words of God. For this reason you do not hear them, because you are not of God." Still later in this exchange the Jews say, "You are not yet fifty years old, and have you seen Abraham?" Jesus replies, "Truly, truly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM." At this point they picked up stones to stone him, but he eludes them and leaves the temple.

In chapter nine, Jesus on the Sabbath in Jerusalem heals a man who had been blind from birth. When brought before the Pharisees, this man has the chutzpah to answer them, "Well, here is an amazing thing, that you do not know where he (Jesus) is from, and yet he opened my eyes… Since the beginning of time it has never been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a person born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing." In response to this answer they banish him from the synagogue.

In chapter ten Jesus again interacts with religious Jews in Jerusalem. He tells them, "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep." The Jews respond, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly." Jesus answers, "I told you, and you do not believe… But you cannot believe, because you are not of my sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. And I give eternal life to them, and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one ." The text says the Jews again took up stones to stone him. When Jesus inquires for which of his deeds they intend to stone him, they say, "For a good work we do not stone you, but for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself out to be God."

In chapter eleven, Jesus is comforting a woman named Martha who lived in the village of Bethany just east of Jerusalem, whose brother Lazarus had died some four days earlier. Jesus tells her, "Your brother shall rise again." She says to him, I know that he will rise again in the resurrection on the last day." Jesus then says to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me shall live even if he dies. And everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die." Jesus then goes to the tomb, where there is a group of family friends weeping and mourning. Jesus orders the stone be removed from the mouth of the cave and commands, "Lazarus, come forth." Lazarus stumbles out of the cave, bound hand and foot with linen wrappings and his face wrapped around with a cloth. Jesus instructs them, "Unbind him, and let him go."

This incredible event is quickly reported to the Pharisees and chief priests in Jerusalem who convene a council to discuss the matter. One of those present says, "What are we doing? For this man is performing many signs. If we let him go on like this, all men will believe in him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and our nation." But the high priest, Caiaphas, responds, "You know nothing at all, nor do you take into account that it is expedient for you that one man should die for the people and the whole nation not perish." The text here comments that from that day on they planned together to kill him. His crucifixion at the hands of the Romans occurs a few weeks later, precisely on the Jewish Passover.

The study of the John's gospel in which I participated covered about a chapter per week. But this pace allowed the astounding implications of these words to penetrate deep within my thinking and being. As the weeks passed it became increasingly clear to me that Jesus had to be the most extraordinary person ever to walk the face of the earth. The simplicity and directness of John's first person description of Jesus' life served to reinforce the power of the words themselves. What he said and what he did was deeply etched in the objective history of his day and witnessed by thousands, even tens of thousands, of people from a wide variety of backgrounds. It progressively made more and more sense to me why his life had had such a profound impact on the world of that day, and ever since. In addition I became aware many of the circumstances of Jesus life matched the written predictions made centuries before by individuals like David and Isaiah and Micah concerning the future Messiah.

It took about three months of this weekly exposure to the text of John's gospel before I finally began to understand that who Jesus really was logically demanded a response on my part. Just as Jesus had invited some uneducated Galilean fishermen like Peter, Andrew, James and John, to give their allegiance to him and trust him with their lives, so the same appeal had gone forth to each succeeding generation, to every corner of the earth, and hence to me. Somehow, through means I cannot explain, as I finally grasped the reality of this appeal, I responded in the affirmative. It was in my room on a Wednesday evening in April, 1970, that I said, "Yes, Jesus, I want to follow You."

At that point I had no knowledge or expectation my life would change in any significant way. I was engaged in some rather difficult graduate courses in plasma physics at the time. But within days after that transaction I observed some unexpected changes in myself. Almost immediately I became keenly aware just how exploitive and insensitive I was being toward those of the opposite sex. The next weekend I discovered an effect I had never noticed before in relation to alcohol. I could sense almost instantly an impairing of my mind and the blurring of a new exhilaration I had acquired just days before. I also noticed an almost insatiable desire to read the New Testament and began reading it through about once per week. What ensued was like a curtain pulled back on a new dimension of reality I had never known before, a reality I had never even suspected to exist. Things around me suddenly had so much more meaning and significance than I had ever known before. In short I had a dramatic conversion experience that profoundly altered the course of my life to this very day.

So why do I believe in the supernatural God of the Bible? The simplest and most direct answer is that I have verified through my own experience that Jesus, as revealed in the Bible, is authentic. He is indeed who He claimed to be, the Messiah, the Son of God, the Second Person of the Trinity. Jesus is the centerpiece of my worldview, a worldview that has comprehensive explanatory power and exhilarating logical consistency. My Ph.D. thesis I therefore dedicated to "Jesus of Nazareth, the Messiah, in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge" (the latter are Paul's words from chapter two of his letter to the Colossians).

Today, just as in the day in which Jesus walked the earth, there is a struggle raging between light and darkness, between good and evil. Jesus has personally called me to play a very specific role in this struggle. This calling gives fullness and purpose and significance to my relationships, my time, my abilities, my work, my thoughts, my passions -- yes, my entire being. That this life is only the beginning of an eternal adventure, in which God's wondrous character in its infinite facets shines forth in ever-new ways, is almost too wonderful to contemplate. But my awareness of Jesus' authenticity causes me to exult in this certainty. But even more, I exult because in Jesus I have found the ultimate treasure. But I am not alone in this discovery. There are millions through the centuries and across the world today who also have this same awareness of Jesus' authenticity and also exult with the same gratefulness and joy. What a thrill to be part of this heavenly company.

John Baumgardner is a staff scientist in the Theoretical Division at Los Alamos National Laboratory. He has a Ph.D. in geophysics and space physics from the University of California, Los Angeles. He is the chief developer of the TERRA code, a 3-D finite element program for modeling the earth's mantle and lithosphere. His current research is in the areas of planetary mantle dynamics, global ocean modeling, and the development of efficient hydrodynamic methods for supercomputers.